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2006 Volkswagen Phaeton V8 Road Test

Plutocrats Wanted

As I write, the Volkswagen Phaeton is fading away. Its beginning to vanish, into thin air, though youd be hard pressed to notice since there are less than three thousand twenty-four of these cars spread across the country. When it was launched just three years ago, it stirred up quite a fuss; after all, the Phaeton was the Volkswagen that would fundamentally change the way the world would perceive Germanys meat and potatoes brand. But in this perfectly calculated experiment of boardroom management, something went amiss, and now Volkswagen is quietly pushing it aside like week-old paperwork.

Growing up, I watched the rise of many manufacturers, one of which was Volkswagen. Its not the same kind of rise that sees a manufacturer

The Phaeton is extremely inconspicuous for a vehicle that has caused such a great fuss. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

making something from nothing, but rather the transformation of a brand that once produced bottom of the food chain vehicles to one that has developed into a desirable household name, a name that has appeal, and can hold water. Of course, the question remains, if cars like the Golf and the Passat are so highly regarded, why didnt people flock to the Phaeton? Surely it cant be that VW is an inferior

Volkswagen - a premium name, but not in the premium sector. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

brand as a whole; in nearly all the segments it has products entered its vehicles are considered benchmarks that other companies strive to emulate, be it in design, road manners, or that feel-good sensation you get when sliding into the drivers seat.

What strikes me as odd about the Phaeton is its purpose; Ive yet to
find a theory that fully explains its existence. One says that the company is merely doing good on building "The Peoples Car"; after building

Phaeton shares its platform with the far more successful Baby Bentleys. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

a portfolio of modest automobiles it finally got around to building a car for those "people" who are very, very wealthy. Theres another that says this car is merely a showpiece, a tool to drive up the profit margins on Golfs and Jettas by getting people to plunk down on leather, nav and other four-figure options. Another says that it was merely a way to offset the expense put out for the Baby Bentleys - AKA Continental GT and Flying Spur - which ride on the same platform and use a version of the top-line W12

I dont care that the Phaeton didnt catch on; its an excellent car in all respects. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

engine and drivetrain. One explanation that makes sense is that it was developed for luxury buyers who wanted a car with Bentley characteristics, but who didnt necessarily want to attract attention by appearing too ostentatious when driving up to the office. My personal favorite is the one that says that the Phaeton is a strike against Mercedes-Benz, which honed in on VWs territory with its front-wheel drive A- and B-Class, and this is their way of striking back.
 
But regardless of the original motive or any beliefs other journalists and media types

Phaeton is at home in the city. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

may adhere to, and regardless of what philosophy the Phaeton was executed with, it plain outright didnt work; it didnt dethrone any of its class peers. I could happily go on and on about how this grandiose idea did not work, but Im going to leave it here. Instead, Im going to get on with the evaluation, because the car, as an example of design and engineering excellence, is equally as interesting as its history and background info.

Getting back to the very beginning, vanishing is something that the Phaeton is very good at, whether youre talking in terms of shooting off into the sunset, or, in a shroud of ordinary.
Some

In Europe, the Phaeton doesnt even bear Phaeton badges; just the two VW badges. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

say that theres just something not quite right about the way that it looks, that its deficient in some way, shape, or form. Its not that it isnt big enough either, because, at over 16 feet in length, it is as large as luxury barges come. Neither does it lack the details of an expensive car; the shut-lines pass Bernd Pischetsrieders own sliding-finger tests, and the welds on the roof are so tight and so fine that they dont need to be covered with a cap. This is aside from those elegant wheels, the flush-mounted tail pipes, and polished aluminum struts which lift its hood and trunk vertically. I suppose it may be a bit on the plain side, a bit too reserved, but

Would you just look at that... I dont think theres a more meticulously crafted vehicle within $100,000 of the Phaeton. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

if it were my hundred grand I wouldnt want to be driving a car that looks like it was styled by a blindfolded man wielding a machete.

One of the distinguishing features about the Phaeton is that it has two abnormally large VW logos, one on the front and one on the back. From looking at this machine, this masterwork, you get a feeling that these chrome-plated logos are tokens of pride, a two-part trophy for the lab-coats that designed the car. But as proud as they may be, its not the most convincing factor for those who have to purchase it; while the VW brand name is no shrinking violet, perhaps it may have been wiser to make the logos smaller. With such big badges, the Phaeton comes

Retractable vents put the wow in climate control. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

across as a car that almost tries too hard to be discreet, as if it were trying to say to people, "Dont look at me, Im just a Volkswagen." Maybe this truly is the kind of car for those who wish to be deliberately inconspicuous, the type of plainly invisible vehicle that tax avoiders with offshore bank accounts in the Cayman Islands would buy.

But for all of that inflated last-generation Passat look about its classy exterior, youd never know what was inside the Phaeton; mostly no one would even bother to look inside. Its an oasis of perforated leather, accented by ribbons of glossy wood and glistening bits of chrome, the kind of high quality look, feel and execution that characterized Mercedes-Benz when it wasnt chasing profit margins. I believe the term is "over-engineered".

Complex center console has too many buttons. Note the mirror-finish on the ashtray liners. (Photo: Justin Couture, American Auto Press)

 
And you can feel that its a quality item too; the doors shut with a heavy, air-displacing whumph, gravitating towards the body with the kind of force that can snap stray limbs like twigs. It comes as no surprise either - even though the doors skins were made of aluminum like the fenders and decklid it doesnt quite balance out the sound-proofing, the carpeting, the electrics, a forests worth of wood and the two panes of glass that make up each window. And then theres my favorite bit, the draft-free ventilation system. The Phaeton does have a proper set of exposed vents on its dash, but rather theyre covered up by a retractable plinth of wood, and are only open for viewing when max ventilation is required.

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